Atlantic County Magazine – GACCA Article
Print Date 8.13.2021
By Judy Brenna
As I sit here staring blankly at my laptop willing the words to spill forth, ((desperately trying to shove Quarantina back into her cage because o.m.g. I don’t even want to think about this Delta Variant)), I’m watching the steam rising off the sidewalk pavement. It’s currently 98 degrees outside. Last week I was setting up for an event on the beach ((shameless plug #DeauvilleInn open all year round, folks, and the IT place for weddings and beach parties!!)) and in the matter of 25 minutes the makeup literally slid off my face and onto my shirt. One of the bussers joked that I was wearing the Shroud of Turin, to which I scoffed, “Jesus didn’t wear L’Oreal Voluminous Mascara!”. My point is, it’s disgusting out. And humid. I won’t even start about what this humidity has done to my hair. So, what do you do when it’s disgustingly hot and humid out? Take cover in the confines of air conditioning, of course. I have one word for you: Casinos. So, tuck in, grab your cup of coffee, or in my case my concealed mug of Grey Goose, and let’s break down the list of venues you can eat your way through, one by one, and marvel in all their glory, and cool air.
Caesars is notorious for delivering an emperor’s emporium of entertainment, culinary delights, lavish accommodations, and an extravaganza of shows. It features Gordon Ramsay Pub & Grill. Morton’s The Steakhouse ((Hi, Linda!!)), Nero’s Italian Steakhouse, Tazza, KWI Noodle Bar, Guy Fieri’s BBQ Joint, and Palace Court Pizza. All that gloriousness set at a cool 70 degrees.
Let’s talk about Bally's Atlantic City. This casino resort features Guy Fieri’s Chophouse, Carlucci’s Pizza, Harry’s Oyster Bar & Seafood, Jerry Longo’s Meatballs and Martinis, Johnny Rockets, Noodle Village, Sack O’ Subs, Sportsbook Lounge, and Water Dog. All this can be yours at a chilly 72 degrees.
The Borgata is dream venue, specifically because I have no idea how to fit all of their greatness in their 160,391 square feet. Fill your bellies with either American Bar & Grille, Borgata Buffet ((yes please!)), Bread + Butter, N.O.W., The Metropolitan, Borgata Beer Garden ((because yes, you absolutely can drink your dinner)), Izakaya, Angeline, Bobby Flay Steak, Old Homestead Steak House, The Wine Bar ((I explained this already)), and The Marketplace Eatery, all while staying cool at a comfortable 71 degrees.
What's not to like about Harrah’s with its colorful ensemble of literally everything? No really, everything you want, they’ve got it, with renovated rooms, slots and video poker games galore. And yeah, I’ll say it, the food ((#fatgirlproblems)): AC Burger, Baywalk, Café Tazza, Coastal Craft Kitchen & Bar, Gordon Ramsay Steak, Martarano’s, McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood, Pin-Up Pizza, Rum Point Crab House, Oshi, and Guy’s Sammich Joint, because that name is just too darn cute. Chew on this for 72 degrees.
Wanna talk about glitter? Golden Nugget glistens, my friends. If you are a thrill-seeker, this is the place for you. Known for their ridiculous nightlife, you can also dine at Michael Patrick’s, Chart House, Vic & Anthony’s Steakhouse, Lillie’s Asian Cuisine, Grotto, Bill’s Bar & Burger, Bean & Bread, and the Chairman’s Club. Go there now and cool off in their delicious 70 degrees.
I’m not finished! Hard Rock Hotel and Casino of Atlantic City: This trendy ‘rock 'n' roll’ themed venue is where it’s at, where you will never fall short of the "looking up constantly at the uber ornate ceilings, mouth agape, mindlessly saying “wooooow” under your breath", with their chill 70 degrees of AC, as you decide on where to eat. Choose from Sandpiper Coastal Bar & Grill, Council Oaks Steaks & Seafood, Kuro, Il Mulino, Hard Rock Café, Fresh Harvest Buffet, Sugar Factory, Youyu Noodle Bar, Fish & Co., White House Subs, and The Flavor Tour.
At the end of the world, and the most beautiful, is Ocean Casino Resort. This gem features Amada, American Cut, Dolce Mare, Harper’s, Villain & Saint ((where the food is so great and bountiful you will weep... no literally, I did last time I was there)) , Topgolf Swing Suite, The District, Zhen Bang Noodle & Sushi, Distrito, Café 500, and Wahlburgers! Chew and chill at a cool 70 degrees.
Resorts! This Mohegan Sun property has 80,000 square feet of casino space, with eateries like Bubbakoo’s, Breadsticks, Landshark Bar & Grill, Margaritaville ((hi, Debbie!), Dougherty’s Steakhouse & Raw Bar, Eastwind, Mukashi Sushi Bar, Cielo Wine Bar, and Capriccio’s, you won’t regret a second of their 70 degrees pushing through the vents.
((As a mandolin plays a soulfully sad ballad, Judy bows her black-veiled head in mourning)) My old stopping ground, The Tropicana Casino & Resort isn’t just a top-tier destination for casino table games, slot machine games, poker games, Asian games, and sports betting. Known for the party crawl, “The Trop” features a dizzying array of venues: Il Verdi, Palm Restaurant, Chelsea Five Gastropub, Golden Dynasty Express, Cuba Libre Restaurant & Rum Bar, A Dam Good Sports Bar ((where I spent a lot of my lunch money over the years)), Broadway Burger Bar, Carmine’s, Casa Taco & Tequila Bar, Chickie & Pete’s, Hooters, La Petite Creperie, PF Chang’s, Tony Luke’s, and Gilchrist Restaurant. All this, at a cool 72.
What can we take away from of all this, other than the fact that Casinos clearly love noodles? Air conditioning is clearly one of the top 3 inventions of all time (along with deodorant and penicilin... oh, and the wheel, okay make that top 4 inventions, oh wait and the bra... ok I'll have to rethink this...). Now that you wield all this stellar air-conditioned knowledge, go forth, spend your money, fill your mouths and bellies, and for love of Pete ((whoever he is)) stay cool! Until next week, folks… #stayjerseystrong!